An hour and a half and the rest of my life....
So it finally happened, an hour and a half on Saturday morning and my undergraduate career is over. I've left Maryville and am now home in St. Louis. It's good to be home but I'm starting to miss the college lifestyle already. Oh lord I have to be a real person and get a real job!! Hmmm....that makes me nervous. Well more later....I'm a bit tired right now and I'm going to take a nap.
Gloomy days....Sunny Weather
Hmmm.....I'm starting to get really sad. Everytime I see someone I wonder if it's the last time I will ever see them. For the longest time I was under the impression that it would be easy to leave, that I wouldn't have a problem just leaving and not looking back. I guess I was wrong....
The last six weeks here have been so much fun. I've starting hanging out with new people and I wish that I had hung out with them earlier. But I guess shit happens so at least I got six weeks with them. It's just going to be so hard to say good-bye and even harder to keep intouch when everyone is so far away.
I don't want to talk about this anymore.....good night and good luck.
This is me....being tired of school again
Is it graduation time yet??
Only 2 weeks left
Exhausting Dreams
I've been having scary dreams.
During my dream I can hear everything going on around me....doors closing, the TV etc. And then I hear someone walk into my room and I know they are standing over my bed watching me. I can't look up, I can't move, I can't open my eyes. All I know is that they are there and I feel like I'm paralyzed. When I finally do pull myself out of the dream everything is normal....no one has been in my room or my apartment the doors are locked like they were before. I'm still alive but I'm sore.....extremely sore like I've been struggling for hours. My arms and shoulders feel like I've been lifting weights for an hour and my legs feel like I ran a 10k as fast as I could.
I've always had these dreams but lately I've been having them every night and it's starting to have an effect on me.
It's so weird....does anyone else have dreams like this that affect them emotionally and physically???
2005 vs. 2006
So....it really hurts when a friend tells you that they don't want to hang out with you. Yes, that's right someone that I consider a close friend said that to me today (and if you are reading this OUCH that really hurt). Don't get me wrong this wasn't just a "I don't want to hang out today"....this was more like a "I don't want to hang out with you as much as you want to hang out with me." So basically it felt like a "I'm sick and tired of hanging out with your sorry ass now leave me the F*$K alone."
So that is exactly what I will do. If you are reading this please feel free to call me because I still like to hang out with you and if you are ever bored and I cross your mind just give me a ring. I had a really great time hanging out with you (I thought we were having fun) And I'm sorry for annoying you I didn't mean it.
Why are people so mean sometimes? I just don't understand -- I have had more hurtful things said and done to me in the past school year that I can't even believe it. And I know that shit happens but all at once give me a break. It's like everytime I turn around something else is going wrong. If I was doing something to deserve it that would be one thing but I really don't believe that I have done anything to anyone that deserves this kind of treatment.
Maybe I really am ready to graduate....it'll give me the chance to move on and start over again. Maryville sucks so bad right now, just when I thought I was getting back on my feet everything starts to spiral downward again. What the hell is going on, I'm confused. I thought that 2006 was going to be a million times better than 2005 but it isn't off to a very good start.
I guess I just feel really alone right now.
Glitter and Booze
This weekend was informal. It was probably the best dance that I've ever been to because there was no drama. I probably had the best date ever....we had a blast. I cooked dinner for three couples and we drank ourselves into oblivion and then finally decided that it was time to go the the Elks for the best dance ever. We ended up having a wonderful time even though Phelan and I thought it reminded us of prom except for the fact that we were drinking (large quantities of alcohol).
Well four weeks to go.....what happens after that???
