Da-Da...
YAY!!! My nephew can talk. Okay so he can't talk yet he can only say "dada" which by my standards is his first word. I'm so proud!! He is the smartest baby in the world.
So I'm sitting in lab right now trying to get myself to study for two upcoming tests. They are not until Thursday so I guess I'm still in the clear. I'm just so tired of studying. I want to go to sleep or out with friends. This is the last place I want to be right now. I guess I need to study and get my butt moving if I'm going to get good grades though, so....
Good night blogspotters.....More again soon.
Hey you....yes, I was just talking
I hate it when people don't listen. Don't get me wrong I don't mind with people are like "what?" but I hate it when they pretend that they are listening to you and they really aren't. And then you say something that pertains to what you were talking about and they are clueless. That just pisses me off more than anything in the world.
Anyways...
I had a really great weekend with some really great friends. Yay for good times, great friends, and beer. I never thought I would be caught dead drinking Schlitz Beer but thanks to Phelan I had one in my hand last night at around 1:30. I was pretty good.....okay it was nasty. No offense Phelan but it just was no Bud Light. And then at around 1:45 or so I look down and what am I holding in my hand but a Coors Light. How the hell did that get there???? I don't even like Coors Light!!! Once again I will thank Phelan for that.
And then at 2:00 I look down and what do I have in my hand.....a large sized value meal from McDonald's!! I would like to thank sober sister and Katie for that one. Let me just say that McDonald's never tastes better than at 2:00 in the morning when you are drunk. Mmmm....
And then of course you hate yourself the next day because you are bloated and fat. But it was so worth it.
Oh Mardi Gras....let me count the ways. I wish I could have been in St. Louis this year. Since I live there and all it would have been nice. But in fact Maryville did a pretty good job of making me happy and drunk. I am proud to say that I didn't flash anything for beads. I might have given a few kisses on the cheek but there was no revealing of any kind. I'm a good girl I don't partake in those nasty activities. But I did have fun.....and lots of it. Here is to more fun weekends.
Here I sit...
Well....I guess I've been doing a pretty good job with my working out and eating right. Okay I guess I really haven't. I won't lie I've been eating way to much and not working out enough. I worked out on Wednesday but then I ate like it was my job so I guess I'm going to have to start over again.
I've decided that I need to have fun for the next two months. I need to have way to much fun. I need to go out a lot and be crazy and stupid. Not careless....just stupid enough to have good stories when I leave here. I don't want to have any regrets on graduation day, and I think right now I would. I would regret that I didn't have enough fun. So here we go. I'm going to just have fun. I'm not going to stress out about my classes as much.
I tried to put something meaningful here but it didn't work. I will work on that for next time. For now I hope you are all content and happy. I'm going drinking.....goodnight and good luck.
So Now What?
Well....I'm finally here. I'm happy.
It has taken me a while to get back to this place but I'm finally here. I can look at myself in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I don't really cry anymore thank god....I had enough of that. I don't think about last semester too often anymore either which is great. I think more and more about the future. I've started to wonder where I will be in a year. Usually I would be able to answer that question and now I can't. Five months ago the fact that I couldn't answer that question would have scared me....now it makes me excited. I'm excited to think that there are endless possibilities for me. I can do whatever I want with my life. No one is holding me back.
So now what do I do. I can't very well just sit here and wait for things to happen but I'm still stuck in Maryville so I can't exactly do a whole lot either. I guess there is one thing that I really want to do. I want to get in shape. I want to be in the best shape of my life. I want to run another marathon. I want to tone my body and be happy with how I look. So....here is the deal I guess. I'm going to start running again. I'm going to start eating right again and I'm going to start doing pilates again (trust me it works). I need to do this for myself. The past three and a half months have perhaps been the worst of my life and I've gained a lot of weight as a result...but they are over. I've come out the other side and now I'm going to do whatever it takes to lose the weight that I gained and maybe some more.
My new goal is to be happy with the way that I look by the summer. I'm leaving for New Zealand on May 26th and I want to be happy with the shape that I'm in by that time. That is my new goal and it is going to take a lot of will power but I'm going to do it.
Maybe the past three months have been so tough because I lost the will power to really do anything. There were days when I didn't even want to get out of bed. There were days when I just didn't want to do anything. But that is over now....officially. I'm over it and I'm moving on. So I think that once I get started running again the will power to eat right will come with that.
If there is anyone out there that reads this who has any diet advice for me or any workout advice for me....please do not hesitate to send it my way. I would really appreciate it. Thanks everyone.
That is all for now....good night blogspotters....I hope you are all content and happy.
Butterflies
Oh to being off my medicine. I get to drink now YAY. That means that this weekend is going to be fabulous. I'm not going to plan anything though because that means that it won't be fabulous.
Anyways, about the butterflies....they are in my stomache. Yes, I am nervous. I want to ask someone something but I'm nervous about what their answer will be. It isn't a life changing question, it isn't an enormously important question I just want to ask it and I'm afraid of what they will say.
Sometimes I wonder why asking people things makes me so nervous. I get nervous even to ask my own friends if they want to hang out. I guess I get nervous because if they say no then that means I'm left with nothing to do. I don't like to be alone because being alone allows the wheels in my mind to start turning and then I start over analyzing things. I get nervous to ask questions in class because what if people think I'm stupid (the color of my hair doesn't help I guess). I guess that is my biggest fear is sounding stupid. Who was it that said, "it is better to keep your mouth shut and let them think you are stupid then to open it and remove all doubt." I shouldn't get so nervous about stupid things like that but I do.
I guess that I worry to much about what other people think of me. I'm not saying that I care what they think....I just worry about it sometimes. I don't want people tho hate me or think I'm stupid. I guess I worry about that. I wonder why.
Well the point is that I'm nervous and I shouldn't be. It's just a stupid question. If you have any advice about how to ask a question that makes you nervous please send it my way. Thanks.
It's That Time Again
Here are a few random thoughts....
1. I wonder what life would be like if I was somewhere else. Not in a bad way, I just sometimes think about what it would be like if I had chosen to go to a different school. Is that bad?
2. I'm so glad I can smell again. I'm not going to lie I got nervous that I wouldn't ever be able to smell again. Just imagine if you couldn't smell anything.....you would miss it.
3. I wonder why people are so mean to each other sometimes.
4. I love A&G's shaved prime rib sandwich!! It is delectible.
5. I wonder what ever happened to dating. No one dates anymore and I think that sucks.
6. I also wonder why guys think that they have to pay for everything all the time. I get so frustrated when a guy won't let me pay for dinner every once in a while. I mean we are both in college and we are both poor. Why should he always have to spend money that he doesn't have. And I also wonder why some girls expect guys to pay.
7. I realized this weekend how much I love Forrest Gump.....thanx for that Phelan.
8. Dear wind.....you suck.
9. Dear Northwest Missouri State Student body......I'm sorry I've been so lame lately. I want to party with you. I miss our drunken nights together.
10. To you.....I'm done. It was fun and that was great but I'm finished. Thank you for your time.
11. To Blogspotters.....I haven't been around for a few days. Sorry for the neglect. It isn't you it's me.
12. Why do people say that...."it isn't you it's me"???? I'll admit I'm guilty and it is also probably true sometimes. But people say it a lot, and sometimes I say it and I don't believe it myself. I don't know why people think that it will make someone feel better if they say it.
13. I also wonder why people say that they will call you and then they don't. I think guys do this more than girls do. No offense guys....in your defense I think that sometimes you are put in awkward situations and it just makes it easier to say that you will call. But please refrain from saying it if you don't mean it. It hurts when you say things you don't mean. Plus it makes us think you are interested when you aren't. It's misleading.
14. I need to start running again. I'm feeling a bit flabby....not fat....flabby. There is a big difference.
15. I wonder why people pretend that they don't care sometimes. I feel like sometimes I can tell that someone cares when they say that they don't. And that is sad because it means that they are afraid to show what they are feeling. I feel sad for people who think they have to hide what they are feeling.
16. I have recently rediscovered Oreos....perhaps this is why I've become flabby.
Well.....that is all for now. I hope that you all have a great day.
Relief
Well I finished my crazy homework. Now I can go to sleep. So don't fret....I won't be up all night. I have finished my work and now I will go to sleep. So....
Goodnight blogspotters.....and good night moon!
Missing???
Wow....I'm so tired right now. I had a great weekend with my parents - Had a lot of fun hanging out with them. We took a little adventure up to Council Bluffs and that was pretty fun. And now they are home safe and sound in St. Louis and I'm left here to do homework that I forgot I had. Oops.
I'm exhausted and that is all I can say in my head right now. Crazy tired. I haven't been this tired in a long time. But anyway....
Do you ever wonder if people miss you when you aren't there? Do you think that people sometimes look around a room and notice who
isn't there? I was just wondering about that. I don't know why just wondering if people are really missed or if you only realize that you missed them when you see them the next time and realize that they hadn't been at the party the night before. Hmmm....interesting thought.
I'm not a doormat.....
And I don't appreciate being treated like one....thank you.
Anyways, on to happier things....
I love my roommate. She is great, everytime we talk and hang out I feel better about things. She always can make me laugh and I really appreciate that.
I want a doggie. I always had a dog growing up and now I don't anymore. I want one, I miss having a dog.
I'm going to a party tonight. It should be fun. I hope that certain people are there. I miss them and I want to see them.
I bought some new makeup yesterday (my Valentine's Day gift to myself) and it makes my eyes look really really blue so thank you makeup company (I don't even know what brand it is).
My parents are coming to visit me this weekend. Most people would not like this I think....but I am very excited. I love my parents, they make me very happy. They are always very supportive and I thank them a million times over for that.
I miss my nephew.....he is so cute and is now seven months old. I want to see him again. I'm so proud of him.
I miss the Big Bang (my favorite bar in St. Louis -- A piano bar of course). I want to go there again soon.
Don't you hate that during the week channels like MTV and VH1 and E! and TLC show the exact same episode over and over again. They never have anything new on. I'm getting bored with this.
My illness is finally going away. My friend Phelan said that I had the plague but really what I had was....the flu, and sinus infection, a cough, and pinkeye. Yes...all at the same time. But now it is going away so YAY for that.
Well that is all for now. Hopefully I will be to busy to update you later....I have been writing way way to much on this thing.
My Favorite Song
Here are the lyrics to my favorite song as of right now....you know how there are some songs that leave an impression on you? This is one of those songs for me. It's amazing and I can't stop listening to it. Of course it is James Blunt because he is my favorite artist at this time. It has no meaning to me other than it is a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics and I love to listen to it. I don't really think it applies to my life that much.
Judging by the look on the organ-grinderHe'll judge my by the fact that my face don't fit.It's touching that the monkey sits on my shoulder.He's waiting for the day when he gets me,But I don't need no alibi - I'm a puppet on a string.I just need this stage to be seen.We all need a pantomime to remind us what is real.Hold my eye and know what it means.I'm out of my mindJudging my the look on the organ-grinder,He'll judge me by te fact that my face don't fit.It's touching that the monkey sits on my shoulder.He's waiting for the day when he gets me.But I won't be your concubine- I'm a puppet not a whore.I just need this stage to be seen.Won't you be a friend of mine to remind me what is real? Hold my heart and see that it bleeds.I'm out of my mind.~~Out of My Mind, James BluntThat is all for this Valentine's Day....Goodnight blogspoter's and goodnight moon
Okay so....
I am lonely....what can I say. I thought I would be okay on this Valentine's Day but I'm not. Here is a bit of advice for those who have not made this mistake.....DON'T GO TO WALMART ON VALENTINE'S DAY!!!! It is one of the most depressing things I have ever done. There are roses and carnations EVERYWHERE.....not only in the isles that are reserved for Valentine's Day but EVERYWHERE!!! I had to go there though because I had nothing to eat in my apartment. I was starving and I refused to starve to death.
I also realized today that this is my 22nd Valentine's Day in a row without having someone. Yup...that's right.....no you didn't misread....I have never once had a Valentine. Not once in my entire life. So I don't even really know what I am missing I guess which is something to be thankful for. But that doesn't change the fact that I am sad. I wish I had someone to just hang out with tonight....someone to maybe order pizza with and watch a good movie. I guess that would be my ideal Valentine's Day....a quiet night in, nothing fancy.
Squirrels Have Valentine's Day too
So....funny story.
I walk out of my apartment this morning and on my way to class I am thinking how Valentine's Day sucks....but I'm actually feeling okay. So I'm looking around and enjoying the fact that it is a nice sunny day when I hear a noise coming from the tree branches above my head. I look up and see a squirrel. "Awe....cute" I think to myself....then I think "wow that squirrel is making some really strange noises"
SO....being the curious person that I am...I look up again and look a little closer this time. Well what I discovered was a little disturbing and enormously hilarious. There were two squirrels doing the "no pants dance" if you will, high up in a tree!! Wow....Happy Valentine's Day. I guess squirrels have romantic holidays too.
That's it for now....I hope that you all have a good Valentine's Day even if you are single (and even though it is a dumb holiday), no one deserves to have a bad day just because they are single.
Note to self...
Note to self....expect nothing and you won't be disappointed.
Valentine's Day....what is with this holiday???
So I don't think I did that great on my test. It sucked and I had to guess a lot. I feel pretty bad about this because I'm not usually like that with school. But I talked to other people in the class afterward and they said that they felt the same way. I guess if there is a bright side...that would be it.
So I'm still kind of sad today. I don't really know why. I guess I've realized a few things in the past week that have been eye opening and hard to handle. But I'm dealing I guess. Maybe stupid valentine's day has something to do with it too. It really doesn't scare me this year but it does of course make me very aware that I am single.
Valentine's Day sucks in so many different ways. For one it is the stupidest holiday I've ever heard of. Is it supposed to serve as a reminder to tell someone you love that you care about them?? Because that is stupid...if I had someone to love I would tell them everyday that I cared and how much they meant to me. Maybe that is because I know what it is like to lose someone you love and how much it hurts. Who knows.
Another way in which Valentine's Day sucks is that it shoves in your face what you already know. YOU ARE SINGLE. I know that I'm single...I know that no one outside of my family loves me I don't really need to be reminded of that, thank you. Oh, and if you are single....avoid Wal-mart or any other store like Wal-mart because trust me...it looks like Cupid threw up in there. It really isn't the most uplifting feeling in the world.
And a third and final way that Valentine's Day sucks is because if you are with someone and you are a guy...you are pretty much forced into purchasing something that is way to expensive. That is stupid too. If I had a boyfriend I wouldn't expect him to buy me shit for Valentine's Day. If I had a boyfriend it would mean a ton more to me if he just told me that he loved me everyday. So I feel bad for guys too when it comes to Valentine's Day because what if they don't have the money to buy something....then what???
So the moral of this post is....Valentine's Day sucks for everyone (except the girl who has a boyfriend because she is the one receiving the expensive gift).
That's all for now....good night blogspoters....I hope you are all content and happy.
This is me....just thought I would put a picture up.
Well...this is me. I just thought I would put a picture up of myself, I don't really know why. I guess it's because I've looked at other blogs and people tend to put pictures up. I will probably post more pictures of me and my friends later.
I guess I'm also doing this to put off studying for a test that I have in an hour. I'm not going to do very well on it but I guess that happens a lot during your last semester at college. I'm going to start getting my shit back together tonight.
Well that's it for now. More later.
Oops
Well....I didn't really get as much done today as I wanted to. I did work for a while and I did get some studying done. Not nearly enough though. I have a test tomorrow that I haven't even started studying for because I didn't think it was tomorrow. Well shit. I guess I have until 3:00 tomorrow to study for it. I'm just going to have to go to the library tomorrow for 3 hours or so and just study as best I can.
So...that's my update for you. Disappointing as usual....I really need to get my shit together. I'm usually so good about studying and scheduling things and this past two weeks has been awful. I've been really sick and that doesn't help. Okay, so I'll be getting my shit together tomorrow. I hope that it goes well....I'll let you know.
That is all for now....goodnight Blogspoter's, and goodnight moon.
Lazy
I want to be lazy today. I want to lay on my couch and do nothing, but I can't. I did that yesterday....and the day before come to think of it.
It's funny how you can go to sleep feeling good and happy and you can wake up feeling sad and lonely huh? I just wonder what happens during sleep that changes our moods so dramatically. Don't get me wrong...I'm still content and happy with myself, I just feel blah today. You know when you just feel worn down "like butter scraped over to much bread." It's one of those days I guess. I wish I didn't have so much to do because then I could just curl up in bed and forget about today. Sunday is usually the perfect day to do that too, but I just was so lazy yesterday and Friday that now I have to suffer through today and make it a productive one.
I'll update you later....although nothing I'm doing is interesting...it's all homework and boring but I'll still let you know.
I hope you all had a good weekend.
A Few Random Thoughts
Here are some random thoughts for you to enjoy......
1. To those who are wondering....I'm happy and content. I'm enjoying life. I have finally been able to be happy with myself again....I like what I see in the mirror right now. That has not happened in a while.
2. To you...even though I only knew you for a short time you inspired me more than anyone. You inspired me to make myself happy and not to depend on others for that. My thanks to you cannot be expressed in words (much less on a blog).
3. Why do gloomy days make for gloomy moods?
4. To the snow outside.....I like you. I complain a lot about you but you are pretty and I enjoy your presence.
5. To Northwest Missouri State University...the last five years have been wonderful though sometimes awkward between us. I will probably miss you when I leave.
6. To Maryville Missouri....you are a strange little mid-western town. Although for the most part you have been good to me, I don't believe it is you I will miss.
7. To the friends I've made over the past 5 years....you are my rock. You have kept me sane when I thought I would lose it here in Maryville. I will miss you terribly, keep in touch.
8. To the Olympics....I love you. You are a very enjoyable two weeks for me. Perhaps it is because I wish I could be a great athlete. Perhaps it is the atmosphere of fierce but fair competition that I enjoy. Who is to know....but I will be watching you closely.
9. To George Lucas and your software Lightwave.....I do not like you. Although you have done great things I despise you right now for making my homework so hard.
10. To the random people who read this....thank you for your interest. I'm interested in you too...leave a comment (I enjoy getting them).
11. Is it me or is life getting a little harder as we get closer to graduation?
12. To you....you are my best friend in the world...I hope you read this and if you do....I will be calling you soon. I miss you.
13. To blogspot....thank you for this space. I enjoy being able to write what I'm thinking and let other people read it. (Even though it really isn't that interesting).
14. To Valentine's Day....you are coming up quickly. I am single and I want you to know that you do not scare me this year. I will be quite happy just watching TV and chilling with my roomy.
15. To James Blunt...I wish that I knew you because your music is amazing. If you do not know who Jame Blunt is please check him out, he might change your mind about a lot of things.
16. To toby....thank you for reading my blog...if you have not been to
toby's page I encourage you to go. You will smile there.
Well Blogspoters that is all I have for now. Goodnight I hope you are all content and happy.
Well....What do you do?
So I didn't have a good night.....sue me!
Have you ever noticed that it's always the nights that you plan to be really great that turn out only so-so?? I wonder if this is because when we plan things we plan them to be a lot better than reality allows. The really really great nights are always the ones that happen by surprise. I wonder if it works that way with everything. Maybe I shouldn't try and plan out my life so much....maybe if I didn't plan so much exciting things would start to happen. HMMMM....interesting thought (write that down).
Useless
Today I was useless.....I mean I didn't do anything. And it felt damn good. I'm so tired of being busy all the time and having to run around and make sure work is done for all my classes. Today I sat on my little couch in my little apartment, watched my little TV and a storm role in. It was wonderful....now I'm off and I don't know where. I'm going to have a good night...watch me.
This is me....being tired of school
Is it graduation time yet???
Hello World
So here is my first post on my very own blog. I've shied away from these for a long time....but recently I've decided that I have a lot to say. So expect a lot....well actually expect nothing because what I do have to talk about isn't all that interesting.
So I've been in Maryville, MO for five years now, and tonight I realized how weird it will be to not come back here next fall. I will probably miss a few things but maybe I won't. Who knows where I will be a year from now. I also have realized that in three months I will never see many of the people I know here ever again. But I guess thanx to the magic of Facebook I will be able to stay in touch.
Sometimes I wonder what my life will be like five years from now....I wonder where I will be, what new people I will know, what kind of job I will have, will I be married, will I have children (that's a scary thought).
Well that's it I guess for now. Good night Blogspot....I hope you are all content and happy.
P.S. ~~ Thank God for James Blunt and his beautiful songs.....I don't know what I would do without you
